Musings on Waking Too Early

If you find yourself waking too early, take it as a message from your psyche, or body, that what needs addressing in your life cannot wait.

In my seven year ordeal with insomnia, the contributing factors of nerve pain, restless mind and the fires of creativity have revealed a hidden path to healing.  I have experienced both delayed-sleep phase insomnia (more common in my case), and waking often throughout the night.  During those times of waking too often I learned to just listen to the silence.  A well-spring of ideas began to come through and instead of worry, I acted on those ideas.

For instance, this morning I awoke at a little over 2am. The day had been filled with fun as my dog and I had gone rollerblading in the rain. The nerve pain I experience almost vanished from the exercise and I became very relaxed that night. Waking at 2am and only having slept four hours, I scanned my body; I remained pain free and refreshed and began to write instead of cursing the night.

So, when you think you awoke too early, write, bake, take a walking meditation, listen to a self-help podcast…

The night holds many mysteries. Listen when the night whispers.

Post Script: Night whispers come more easily in a relaxed state.  Before my healing began I listened to guided meditations.  Mary Maddox has a beautiful podcast of guided mediations that helped enormously in my healing.  Her podcast can be found here and on Itunes at Meditation Oasis.  Please consider donating to her if you find the meditations helpful.  My favorite is #9: Relaxing into Healing.

http://www.meditationoasis.com/podcast/listen-to-podcast/

Burning of Embers

Discovering my rhythms became central to not only living robustly in the wake of sleep deprivation, but also to giving my creative life the energy it needs. At first it appeared that frustration of being to tired to make music was a cause of my bouts with insomnia. While frustration certainly plays a role in the creative process, I have never been one to suffer for my art. Quite the opposite; art has always energized me. That energy lead me to discover what I call, “the burn of embers”. The energy force of creativity is a fire so intense it leaves burning embers long after the flames fade.

I do not stifle creative impulses. In a given day, I will write and arrange a musical composition, photograph trees, work on poems and pen literary works on creativity, philosophy and, yes, sleep. This same flow of life force should never be put on a shelf for some other time. There is never a “right” time to create. Some of my most cherished works have either come from mistakes or the altered state that sleep deprivation causes. Say in the instance of a song, I don’t necessarily correct a bad note. Art is a living, breathing force and, just as in life, not all is perfect. The imperfections are as natural to the life force itself.

Yesterday, all of my polyphasic sleep phases lined up for the first time in a long time. At the top of my game I experimented with guitar tones for a new song called, “Blue Sky Thunder Cloud”. I wrote this song on a day that really felt like fall in Los Angeles…

On that crisp, relatively smog-free day I walked down Sunset Boulevard after seeing my guitar tech about a set-up. The sky radiated an electric blue, and aside from a lone cloud, the birds had plenty of room to fly. While I was eager to return to my studio and play, I heard a familiar voice softly whisper, “go this way…”. I learned to heed this direction as it was my soul’s way of summoning the “winds of change”. Something magical was bound to happen, and it did.

I walked into a cafe that I had passed many times before. It was the kind of place I would say, “I’ll go there sometime.” I have places on that list I’m knocking off one by one as I plan a move out of Los Angeles for good. I sat down with coffee in one hand, my new Ipad2 in the other and accepted Nature’s invitation to look upon her as my muse. I took all my cues from the singing birds, the movement of the lone cloud across the vibrating sky and my own eyes that felt more open than I had ever experienced. I composed the piano part on Garage Band on the Ipad and ran to my studio to start arranging the instrumentation.

On that beautiful day, my batteries charged from accepting my strange sleep patterns I resisted nothing and held everything in my Being. I didn’t care when I slept next, only that I was floating on the Life Force. Watching the burn of embers is a time of reflection. I see the scorch marks on my mind and body, but I am blessed with artistry that is the core of who I am. Sleep be damned; to be one with your artistry is worth the burn. As they say, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” For now, I live robustly in the midst of days without sleep.

I say to you, carpe diem, and when Nature and your own rhythms call out to you sit right down and listen.

Post Script: At this writing I missed a core sleep phase. Prior to the sleepless night I had worked all day on the drum tracks for “Blue Sky Thunder Cloud”. During several breaks I felt the fire of creativity and wrote a new song experiment in E minor. I became so fascinated with how the tones of the scale made up the chord progression I wrote. As I always do, I threw in a color chord and tones out of the key stroking the fires of creation. I had to burn a little for the sake of creativity. Today my motor skills are slower, my mind not as sharp, but it was well worth the cost. As I write this I can see the glow of embers in my mind’s eye.

Ne vous inquietnez se pa or rub your belly

Another war has been declared. We are fighting the wars on terror, drugs, cancer, just to name a few. Now, according to most blogs on the subject of insomnia we are supposed to “fight” insomnia. Being that sleep is a time for rejuvenation of the mind, body and spirit, how can we meet the insomnia with a war-like mind set? That war may be a cause for your insomnia. Let’s explore…

Last night my core polyphasic sleep cycle was interrupted for the second time in as many days. The first night I was startled awake by a very disturbing nightmare about a nuclear bomb blast. The images were accompanied by a very high-pitched sound I have heard in dreams before. As the shock-wave from the blast obliterated my body I saw every color of the rainbow represented as if the sound were taking on its physical manifestation. The images that I awoke to last night were equally unsettling, but I did not remember them as vividly.

The difference on night two was how I took care of my Self afterward. Like a mantra I immediately began to repeat to myself, “Ne vous inquietnez se pa…”. There was something about speaking in French that gave the words a smoothing effect like a lullaby. I surrendered to the nauseous feeling in my stomach and watched other pains come and go. My nerve pain was a little heightened from previous days and, once again, I listened to what my body was telling me. Things had been stressful as of late: physical stress of cutting my calories while maintaining my current workout, fighting with neighbors who have nothing better to do but to attempt to make life miserable and working long hours in the studio on my new album.

Then I began to rub my belly. It was cold and vibrated with a nervous energy. I was overloading my nervous system and not taking my afternoon creative visualization breaks. Our bodies are always giving us feedback, yet we ignore the messages. I grabbed my dog who was sleeping nearby and began to rub his always warm belly and I felt an overwhelming sense of connection. I fell asleep.

The world is full of enough war, don’t add to the chaos by warring with yourself. As my favorite poet, David Whyte, once said, “the reason we don’t sleep at night is because all day long we make it so don’t sleep.” Powerful words, but then again, you can always rub your belly.

Know Your Rhythms

The lack of dreaming always precedes a shift into a polyphasic sleep pattern. I say “pattern”, however, I have been unable to establish one as of this writing. The lack of a dream state means that I am not shifting into Delta nor the REM stage. In the midst of a polyphasic restoration (I am quite beyond calling it sleep), rest occurs from ten minutes to several hours and I can keep it going for several days before another shift. After two to three days of no sleep I force myself to stay awake and prepare myself for the restoration phase.

Try as I might, I would relish establishing a pattern as Einstein did: 15 minutes of sleep every four hours, but my restoration is a bit hap-hazard. The knowledge that my rhythm changes constantly was easy to surrender to once I realized that my life-force felt renewed. Having dealt with addiction to sleeping pills this was a welcome relief. I could create without the label of “insomniac” haunting me.

For seven years I sought answers as to why I “suffered” insomnia. There, in the middle of the night, my eyes wide open I observed yet another great mystery of life. I had retained my sense of humor, my creative life took on a robust renaissance and sleep became something that only got in the way of truly experiencing my life-force.

Understanding one’s own rhythm is crucial to finding a mechanism for living life fully. For me the road has been paved with meticulous recording, experimentation and plain instinct. During a time when I did not understand what was happening to me I had an epiphany: I’m a strange sleeper. I still get the shaking heads and cross-eyed looks from physicians who want me to “get my 8 hours”, but I won’t waste another moment on the Western mind that insists that this is abnormal.

Find your rhythm and experience life with a renewed sense energy. Write down your sleep times. Be aware of events that precede a bout with insomnia. Understand fully that there is nothing wrong with you (aside from contributing medical conditions). This is your mystery waiting to unfold.

What the Night Whispers

I wrote one of my best songs at 4am not having slept for 2 days.  Does insomnia put you in a stage of creativity that you otherwise would not experience?

I find myself roaming the night now, picking melodies and lyrics like fruit from a tree.  There is a spring of ideas that waits in the still and quiet of the night.  Having chronic insomnia has forced me to make decisions about how I approach creativity.  Gone are the days when I would tell myself that lack of sleep hindered my creative output.  Instead, I place myself in a mindset of possibility: would that melody ever have reached my psyche in the chaos of everyday living?

The night whispers many things, sometimes in what appears a fractured way.  But, the language of the night is different, soft and flowing.  The night whispers many things, what is it trying to say to you?

A song I wrote during the last part of a five year ordeal with insomnia.  I believe it was my “dark night of the soul” when everything I thought I knew was put to the test.  I learned so much about myself and felt such compassion for those who can’t sleep.  So, really this song is as much for me as for everyone who can’t sleep.  Even though I’ve become a poly-phasic sleeper, I’m learning to be creative in the midst of days without sleep…you have to go on and create.  So, for my fellow insomniacs…hold on to the fire.

STRANGE SLEEPER
words and music Derek James Raven

I am dreaming, but not sleeping…
wandering through the dark night

Close your eyes
If only for awhile
Lay your head on a cloud of dreams
Lay your head down

Strange Sleeper
My sweet dreamer
Dry your eyes
Hold on to the fire

When the sun breaks the night
Behold the fire that keeps me alive
I won’t back down
I won’t hold on so tight this time

Haven’t you been sleeping too long
Your dream is waiting for you in the sun
Haven’t you been sleeping too long
Your dream is waiting for you

Close your eyes
If only for awhile
Lay your head down
Stranger Sleeper
My sweet dreamer
Close your eyes
Hold on to the fire

© MMX Wandering Raven Songs & El Laboratorio del Cuervo

Gratitude for Naps

I am in a cycle of broken sleep.  It began as an effect of the worst throat infection I have ever experienced.  My faith in natural remedies has been shaken because nothing I tried worked.  I finally broken down after the pain became too much to bear and I went to the emergency room.  I was treated with antibiotics that made me feel sicker, but within a few days the infection began to heal.  Within two days of taking the medications I became aware that my truce with insomnia was broken and I began to experience a broken sleep pattern.  Upon falling asleep, I would awaken within 20 minutes, this continued throughout the night at intervals from 2 to 4 hours.

Today I decided simply to lay down in the middle of the day rather than worry about this new bout with insomnia.  Within minutes I was asleep and awoke 40 minutes later.  My first thought was, “why couldn’t I just stay asleep for a little while longer?”  I realized how ungrateful I was being.  I did a scan of my body and realized that many of my pains were gone, at least for a while, and that my throat no longer was in pain.  If only for a while my body and mind were able to rest and rejuvenate and I am grateful for those few minutes of sleep.

The power of gratitude is a powerful healer and lights the way through the darkness of illness.  I used to call it “surrender”, but now it has become a way of navigating insomnia…closing my eyes if only for a while.

Sleep depravation affects the body?